We’re not going to lie to you, you’re not happy about it, and it’s really, really painful.
Shame is a really difficult thing to deal with.
But there’s a lot to it.
When you’re a kid, you grow up really quickly.
You’re not really prepared for that.
And you think you know what’s going to happen.
And when you’re grown up, you realize that it’s actually not going away.
It’s a constant struggle.
It makes you feel like you’re losing control of your emotions.
But then, when you’ve grown up enough, you begin to realize that you can control it.
And then you learn to accept it.
Now, I’m not going out and telling you to do whatever you want, because you should be responsible for your own decisions.
But you should really learn how to manage your own emotions.
And once you’ve learned how to do that, you will be more able to manage it.
It will be easier for you to get through it and feel okay about it.
[Laughs] It’s not going anywhere.
But I think if you look back, you’ll see that your childhood was a really hard time.
It was a real struggle.
You were very sensitive, you had a lot of anger issues, and you were also very self-centered.
So it’s something you’ll probably deal with over the years.
But the thing that was really important was that you had no control over it.
You really didn’t have a choice.
You didn’t really have any control over who you were.
I remember I was like, “I’m a little bit afraid to go to the mall.”
And my mom said, “If you do go to any mall, don’t go to one where you’re going to get caught with something.
If you’re really afraid, just go home.”
So I would just hide, and I would hide in the corner.
But it was such a huge thing to do.
So you had to learn to live with that.
So now, as a parent, when I have a kid who is being bullied, I think it’s the perfect time to get really serious about how we are going to protect our children and how we’re going and what we’re doing to protect ourselves.
I’m also looking at it from the perspective of how do we really protect ourselves?
How do we help our kids feel better about themselves?
So there’s no question that shame is a big part of it.
But shame is also a really powerful emotion.
So when you look at shame as a kid and then when you go out and you realize you have no control, and that you’re being hurt, it’s an important lesson.
The truth is, I don’t think anyone ever learns from their past mistakes, and so the more shame you feel, the more likely you are to develop and then to develop further.
You can really go from there.
You just have to go back and look at your own behavior and how you behave.
You have to learn how you are going about it and you have to be able to accept yourself.
So one of the things I think is really important to know about kids is that they learn from their mistakes.
And the more you do that and learn from it, the better off you are.
So I think you can use that shame to help teach yourself how to be a good parent.
[Pauses] There’s no way I’m going to talk about the truth and the pain that comes with shame.
So there are things you can do that will really help you deal with that pain.
One of the best things you’re able to do is find ways to help your kids feel more comfortable about themselves.
That means, for example, saying, “You know what?
It’s OK to be afraid.
It doesn’t mean that you have a problem with anything.
You know, I love you.
I know that’s okay.”
And you know how it feels to be scared and to feel like there’s something wrong with you.
But sometimes, it feels like there isn’t.
So try to be like, this is okay.
There’s nothing wrong with it.
That’s just the way it is.
And sometimes it feels great to say, “Yes, I can accept it.”
And sometimes, you just have this moment of relief when you just say, yes.
That can really help kids feel a little more comfortable with themselves.
It can really make them feel good about themselves, because they can be like “Wow, I know now that I am a good person.
I can be a wonderful parent.”
So there you go.
There are a lot things you should know about children, and then you should also be able in the future to know that shame can hurt.
But even though it can be painful and you might feel like it’s your fault, you can learn from that.
That really helps you as a person.
You’ll never feel like a bad parent